Summer of Impositions IV: Holy Sh!t

Art by Kerra ALMY

Do you hear that, fiends? That fell voice entwined within the wind? It’s been thirteen days since Friday the 13th, a Friday the 13th in May, which can only mean it is time once again for the Summer of Impositions!

Somehow or other we’ve survived three years of this so far. This year we reach a morbidly unfunny milestone with Summer of Impositions IV: Holy Sh!t. Because what else could we say when we recognized how long this gag has been being perpetrated on one another and on the internet? And boy oh boy will you be saying it, too…

Trevor, a firm believer in “If it ain’t broke, fix it whenever possible,” wanted to spice things up more than usual. “For Cthulhu’s sake! Not four movies, Trevor, for the love of all that is Scandinavian!” we all shrieked. He tried to act like that wasn’t what he was going to say but, like, we know…

Anyway, for starters, Trevor’s femme fatale Kerra Almy is joining us, injecting more badly needed estrogen into a putrid cauldron of flatulence and Axe deodorant. In terms of what we’re doing this summer, though, is where things get weird. Each of us will impose two movies on each other: one good one, one crappy one. Each of us must then write about the crappy one as though it was good and about the good one as though it was a piece of sh—well, you get the idea. As always, we will seek to pierce the surface of these films to probe for theological significance. After all, any artifact has such significance: whether consciously or otherwise, there is always more than what we intend in everything we make.

Trevor concocted some kind of random team generator thingamabob to assign partners/victims (six of one, right?) and assures us there was no voter fraud involved in the process, but, like… do we really trust him? This is the same guy who insisted he had, and I quote, “no idea” he was filming himself with his phone when he was supposedly trying to send the group a voice message. So yeah, I’m skeptical.

Anyway! The entirely unbiased and in no way arbitrary assignment goes as follows:

Ian is imposing on Kerra

Blake is imposing on Ian

Kerra is imposing on Ryan

Ryan is imposing on Trevor

Trevor is imposing on Chris

and Chris is imposing on Blake.

My sphincter is already tightening, just imagining what mistreatment Blake is going to send my way. But more than that I shudder as I have a pretty good idea of what Trevor is thinking of imposing… God help them.

So even after the Johnny Depp defamation trial is over you’ll have plenty of abuse and dumbassery with which to soak up the sun. (Do any of you go outside during the summer? Or do you stay in the dungeon and work on your deathly pallor?) Just don’t crap the bed—it’s only a movie.

This summer’s playlist!

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